Asleep for 43 years | scatteredgrapes's Blog

Lol, looking at the title I bet you thought this was going to be some sort funny make believe story. Well, it might be funny, or maybe not, but unfortunately, as I know all to well, it's not make believe...

It seems that I've gone through most, if not all of my 43 years not fully awake. Yep, you read right. Apparently I have 2 separate sleep disorders. One being sleep apnea, the other being, well, I don't know what it's called, but I don't sleep much and when I do it's severely disturbed, and when I'm awake, I'm not fully awake. Ok, that sounds strange. 

So, here I am, 43, getting ready to start using a cpap machine at night and being put on meds to make me sleep. The doctor says that the combination of the meds and the cpap will make a tremendous difference in my life. We'll see. This is the only way I've ever been, all I've ever known. To be told at my age that a lot of my problems have been and are caused by sleep disorders is both a relief and frustrating. All these years I have been functioning only half awake. I'm kind of wondering what it will be like to actually sleep and be wide awake during the day. To not make all the mistakes I make, to feel less pain, to not get confused so easily, not lose everything, and to not forget everything.  

I wonder what it would be like to be totally and completely asleep and what it will feel like to be completely awake and not living in this partial dream state that I've been in?

Sounds crazy I know. At least you don't have to live it...